Draft staff job description for comment
Personal qualities and attributes required by prospective #WLF staff
- Candidates must ensure sufficient (or preferably surfeit) amounts of high quality foods and treats are available throughout the day
- Candidates must demonstrate excellent time management especially when feeding duties are undertaken. Food must always be served on time
- Candidates must ensure that all fixtures and fittings in the home are accessible and fit for purpose i.e. scratching, shedding, barfing, widdling
- Candidates must demonstrate confidence and resilience when attempting to undertake the unpleasant, yet necessary, V*tnery visits
- Candidates must provide more than one rest area and preferably no less than three (excluding staff beds which are a given)
- Candidates must make laps available on demand
- Candidates may groom but only when invited to do so
- Candidates must ensure that medication (when necessary) is given in an appropriate manner (beef paste, corned beef, Marmite and succulent chicken breast are all acceptable)
- Candidates must ensure that cushions are sufficiently plumped and placed in areas of sunpuddles
- Candidates must ensure that a suitable and thoroughly vetted alternative temporary staff is employed when they are exceptionally granted annual leave
- Candidates must ensure toys and shiny playthings are always available
- Candidates must be able to facilitate patrolling (both inside & external) by cleaning windows, clearing ledges and providing outdoor shelter
- Candidates must be pro actively enthusiastic in regard to clearing up unwanted or indigestible mouse/bird/frog parts speedily and efficiently
Eldrid Elephant 
Also, we must ensure that our typists will be on duty at our beck and call! (I yam about ready to fire mine)
May I propose an extension to the lap availability… Laps must remain available even if said candidates feel need to visit lavatory or have other jobs to do.
Candidates should make sure that there is a suitable amount of heat provided through the winter. Open fires or radiator beds are suitable and either electric blankets or hot water bottles in staff beds. Hot water bottles under thin pillows or duvets on sofas are considered a necessity on coldest days
Dreamies, while tasty are high in carbohydrate and should be avoided by the diabetic or borderline amongst us so we generalise to snacks.
Do you think there should be more explicit mention of the necessity of the frequent provision of Dreamies?